Saturday, June 24, 2006

True Prophet of Blog

Once again, I need to remind the public that my predictions for the 2006 World Cup have come true with amazing 100% accuracy*.  I foresaw the fall of America, Japan and Korea in the 2006 World Cup years ago**.

Now some of the more close-minded among you may bicker over certain predictions that may seem (to the ignorant eye) not to have come to pass (Japan being outscored 12-1 in the first round, England drawing with Trinidad and Tobagawhatever).

However, I should point out that in that particular post I was quoted by myself out of context (hate when I do that) and also there are some apparent mistranslations from the original source. I receive my prophecies from the spirit world in an advanced form of computer language (zeros, ones and the occasional three) and sometimes things get lost in translation to English. If you were able to see the original source, you would see that my predictions were actually slightly more than 100% correct.***

Another of my Fearless Predictions which is being challenged is that Ronaldo continues to be the ugliest soccer player on the field. Some say that Lee Chun-soo has taken that honor. However, this poll was conducted on a Brazilian website, so obviously it is biased.  In a truly international poll, I'm sure Ronaldo would stay on top. Chun-soo would be in second, or possibly even third.


Nah, second.

And speaking of ugly, I in no way meant to imply that I thought Park Ji-sung was anything less than 'Gangta-esque' handsome when I made the comment: 'Park Ji-sung: A face only a mother could..."

The completed sentence I had in mind when I wrote that would actually read "Park Ji-sung, a face only a mother could pick out in an auditorium full of awkward-looking acne-ridden high school boys."

My apologies to Park Ji-sung, his mother and the hordes of middle
school kyopo girls who for some reason freak out if anyone makes a silly
joke about one of their idols.

I imagine they probably wouldn't appreciate this much either.

And finally, to those who think I take any joy in the Corea team's poor showing in the World Cup, I assure you that I take no more pleasure in the Corea soccer team's failure than your average Corean does in the America team's early exit. It's all about sharing the love.

*100% accuracy in the figurative sense of the expression
**This statement is absolutely correct, as I made the prediction at the end of 2005, and the 's' in the word 'years' is just a typo.
*** These calculations rely on an advanced form of mathematics known only to a handful of scholars and certain athletes who are cabable of giving '110% to the team.'

Wednesday, June 21, 2006

Viva Hula

I'm looking for a piece of exercise equipment that will not only delude me into thinking it will actually help me firm my stomach, but also make me look completely ridiculous in the process. I've narrowed it down to these two candidates.

Roll_500Viva_500_2I'm leaning towards the 'viva hula'. It's a bit more expensive ($50), which means it must be better, and it also seems like it might have other possible uses besides just losing weight.

Wednesday, June 14, 2006

Park Ji-sung: The Anton Ohno of Korea

Park Ji-sung receives great praise for his 'hollywood action' that brings out the yellow cards.

OhdatuglyPark Ji-sung: The face only a mother could...

"Park’s flying act is already well known in the U.K.’s Premier League.
Fans once thought, Is he just falling over like that because he's a
little Asian guy who doesn't eat very much? Now they are praising the
maneuver as the perfect way to bring out yellow cards for the opposing
team. Park has been fouled 55 times: the team's undisputed leader."

Anton Ohno would be proud.

Comments from original post

Ah, he falls down on purpose! I thought it was just a Special Olympics kind of thing.

Posted by: Giant Panda | June 14, 2006 at 11:07 PM

He must be watching too many Italian games. Serie A players make his theatrics pale into Italia (quite cute too)...

Posted by: leone | June 16, 2006 at 09:53 PM

Hahaha, "Park Ji-sung: The face only a mother could...", could what? Could love? Yes, he's got a face that maybe only a mother would love. But then what would YOUR face be? A face that no one, not even your mother, would love. Your mother, in fact, would be hideously ashamed of your face. Please drown. Thank you.

PS I emailed you some pictures of myself again. Please write me back this time.

Posted by: Christine | June 17, 2006 at 06:27 PM

My Drowned in Life blog has been replaced with the present version. Keep writing, I enjoy stories about Corea.


Posted by: Mark | June 18, 2006 at 02:13 PM

You have no right to be making fun of Korean people. I'm sorry that you feel jealous of us because we have become one of the most successful countries in the world. But let me tell you this: I suggest you watch yourself very carefully because many people are becoming very angry at you and your words. Unless you'd like your site and yourself to be sued, you should perhaps tone down a bit on your wording and phrasings. Like it says in the Bible, "Pride goeth before a fall." You may think you're full of intelligence and wit, but actually, it just seems like something a small child would do, seeking attention. If you'd truly like attention, you should go and try out for American Idol or something. You MIGHT receive some attention with your bashing on Korea there. (Perhaps negatively, but it's attention nonetheless, no?) P.S. I think you're just upset at Park Ji-sung because he's a world famous soccer player while you're a writer of ridiculous little stories. I pity you, honestly.

Posted by: Danbee | June 20, 2006 at 05:20 PM

Wow! And I thought folks like Danbee were just fictional!

Posted by: Alcoholic | June 21, 2006 at 12:50 AM

Now let me get this straight. I point out some obvious hypocrisy (Ohno doing some 'acting' to get a referee's call against Korea is evil, but Ji-seung doing the same thing for Korea is good), and the only thing you can do is respond with threats? If the claim is not true, then why don't you argue against it rather than just throw out childish insults? You seem to be a Christian, but is that really something that Jesus would do?

Please stop making Koreans look bad by supporting the stereotype that Koreans cannot take criticism rationally. Any more of this, and I just might have to sue your ass on behalf of all good Koreans.

Posted by: partypooper | June 21, 2006 at 06:50 AM

I really think you should tone it down a bit. You may think this is all fun and games. But people take this seriously. It's rude bashing on a country that has been through so much. Seriously, please stop. It's really bothering me and other Koreans.

And you're the only one making Koreans look bad by writing all of this bologna about us. Why won't you just make fun of your own race? Don't you think Korean people, or Asians in general, already have it bad enough? Calling us "chinks" & what not. So please, stop.

Posted by: Ashley | June 21, 2006 at 12:24 PM

Interesting little debate you got here. I'll sum up:

Argument: Koreans are hypocrites for condemning Ohno for getting referees to make foul calls, but praising Ji-sung when he does the same thing.


#1. The author is uglier than Park Ji-sung

#2. The author is just jealous of successful Korea.

#3. Korea is a poor country, therefore no one should ever criticize it.

Impressive and profoundly logical counter-arguments, one and all. Clearly the fruits of an excellent education system (American and/or Korean, I would guess).

Can't we all get along? How about we all agree that Park Ji-sung is ok for doing what he does, and all the Koreans agree that Anton Ohno is ok as well.

To quote one of the greatest movies of all time:
"I'm OK, your OK: that there's how it is."

Posted by: captainhowdy | June 21, 2006 at 10:12 PM

Christine, Ashby and Danbee...

Perhaps you should head over to the Naver boards and read the unrestrained "hate white people/hate japanese/hate non-koreans" that is on thousands of comments daily.

They you come here and make ridiculous threats your little high school butts can't back up.

Note: I have never read the word "chinks" on this blog. Hell, on any waygook in Korea blogs. We're rather aware we're in Korea, not China, for one and we don't actually have to go for crude name-calling. Why? The ridiculous self-righteousness and huffing&puffing nonsense of the average over-emoted Korean - like you! - is comedy enough for us!

Thank you for your letters, you are a hilarious example of Korean non-rational bluster and empty threats.


Posted by: Hugh | July 06, 2006 at 06:18 PM

damn man.... wth you guys problem? park ji sung is doing a great job and hes doing great at contributing the team. guys your sitting on your asses writing stupid shit. admire the guy. hes freaking better than all you guys by 10x better. stop criticizing him becuase hes famous and all you guys are not. and what does the bible and jesus got to do with it? its fucking soccer? not freakking hallelujah soccer praise shit? its Soccer~ joga bonito.

Posted by: steven lim | April 07, 2007 at 05:54 PM

oh also. park ji sung . well im playing soccer in auburndale fusion in america. and im jus saying that im really proud of you hyung. you started in japan and everybody let you down. but you still keep on practicing and practicing. and now your like one of the best midfielders in the world. i hope you will live in this soccer genereration as long as possible hyung.

형! 화팅!! 형은짱이애요!!!
영표형!! 사랑해요...

my name is 임준혁...646 393 6886 this is my number call me hyung

Posted by: steven lim | April 07, 2007 at 05:59 PM

Friday, June 2, 2006

Bae Yong Jun: Cry for me

In Chosunilbo you can read an article about how South Koreans ignore LINK protestors trying to raise awareness about the plight of their brothers to the North, but if you want some true trajedy then go here:

Bae Yong-joon Laments the Price of Fame

OhpatheticmeLook at that pained expression. Oh why is life so hard for our little Yonsama?

"The interviewer says it looks as if Bae is unable to enjoy any
semblance of a normal life. "There can be nothing like that for me,"
the star replies. "The house, the office, the gym: my sphere of
activity is pretty limited. There's a coffee shop at a hotel that our
company manages, but even there I have to go in through the back door."
He admits to despairing sometimes when he thinks that this is how he
has to live the rest of his life."

My recommendation to Mr. Bae is to move to the United States where he can easily find the sweet oblivion that he so desperately desires. And also allow me to extend this invitation to International Mega-Superstar 'Rain' as well. If you ever want to go somewhere where no one knows nor cares who the hell you are, your own American Dream awaits you.

Speaking of the 'crying game,' transgender Ha Ri Su has made public the identity of her boyfriend.
200605240018_01Here is the lucky guy right here, Woo Seung-woo.

Woo-woo, mad props for being open-minded enough to date a transgender and having the courage to come public. You're more of a man than I could ever be (so to speak).

200605180049_1If the newest ads by Lee Joongi do not cause violent retching, perhaps you should consider getting some help.

They say that Joongi/junki/whatever is going to take on a more 'manly' role in his next acting effort. Good idea. I say he should get a fake girlfriend while he's at it. Joongi, your 15 minutes are about up on this whole girly-boy thing and though your gender-confused budding-lesbian fan-base may hold steady, I think you'll find the rest of Korean society is already getting bored (if not physically ill) with this whole 'aren't I just the cutest little princess?' act.

And finally, from an anonymous COF member I received a link to this photo.
Kt2200605181732000It's a picture of the Korean soccer team in training. It seems that they were having a split-squad relay race and this is the winning team.

Question 1:
When having split-squad relay races, is it a requirement to form a 'love train' formation while watching other members race?

Question 2: In soccer, is it an acceptable act of celebration to reach around another player and grab his crotch? Or is this just a Korean guy thing?

Question 3: When another guy does grab your crotch, do you have to enjoy it as much as Kim Dong-jin (front-left) seems to be? Or is it just sports etiquette to refrain from the natural impulse to elbow the pepper-picker in the gut?

Comments on original post

The public wrap around is just too much. Have you seen The Yangpas take on Korean Gaydar ( It's pretty funny, but not nearly as good as your posts.

hmm.. no html on your comments.

Posted by: EFL Geek | June 01, 2006 at 04:17 PM

Allow me if I may to address each of these topics.

Photo 1. Yonsama is obviously despairing that his lipstick has dried up.

Photo 2. Which one is Harisu?

Photo 3. Word on the street is that Junki's "manlier" role will be the part of Harisu in the Harisu epic biography.

Photo 4. Use of the hands is apparently okay in soccer as long as you don't touch the ball(s).

Posted by: Iceberg | June 02, 2006 at 01:22 AM

Nice. Thank ya!

Posted by: Hugh | June 02, 2006 at 09:52 AM

Now those Korean footie boys are hot! I hope you don't mind Scott but I've reproduced it with credits of course!

Posted by: Leone | June 02, 2006 at 07:44 PM

Yeah baby, this is what I'm talking about. You really need to quit your day job so you can blog more. Or, do what countless other bloggers do and blog from work.

Posted by: Nomad | June 02, 2006 at 10:00 PM

Grabbing the crotch? I think it's just a Korean guy thing.

Posted by: yankabroad | June 03, 2006 at 07:08 PM

My god, that new Lee Jun-gi is just horrible. Truely retch-enducing.

The celebrity "woe is me" piece is a common tactic designed to engender a stronger sense of devotion among the fans. Reading about the sacrifices their favorite star has to make, the fans feel a stronger obligation to support their idol.

Of course, as you said, if he is really tired of the attention he can always just move to North Dakota and slip quietly into society there. But really... his management agency just isn't having that.

Posted by: Brian | June 07, 2006 at 09:24 PM

in english please..

Posted by: Joe brown | June 16, 2006 at 09:57 PM

"In soccer, is it an acceptable act of celebration to reach around another player and grab his crotch?" Yeah, you'd like that, wouldn't you? Sicko.

Posted by: Christine | June 17, 2006 at 06:29 PM

do you REALLY have nothing better to do than write all this crap?

Posted by: Yvonne | August 08, 2006 at 05:19 PM

Yvonne, this isn't the Chosun Ilbo or the daily news. It's a blog. If you can't take the heat, get out of the pan.

Posted by: littlebrownasian | August 08, 2006 at 05:37 PM